tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
