I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
