I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I met the friendliest cop last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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