there was a trapeze. enough said
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
What a dumb baby whore.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
