the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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