Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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