What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize