I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
