its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
