this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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