I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
tell me about the eggs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
