the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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