Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
