We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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