Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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