i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
