i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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