if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
