Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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