Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
