@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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