Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Shame - the story of my life.
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