I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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