I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
