i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
