Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
