Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
