frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
