You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize