You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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