I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
it's like iHOP with fire
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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