i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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