One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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