Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We're too hungover to prance.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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