So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
