Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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