the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
