Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I currently don't understand fingers.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
