At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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handjob tips. give me some.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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