Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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