I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
