Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
