i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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