how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
