i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
