it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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