Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
