I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
