Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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