Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
