you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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