Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
