i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
