So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
