How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
