I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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