By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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