whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
