He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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