I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize