I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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