Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she smelled like a LAN party
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
