You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
