ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
