Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
