Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
