You're my little dorito
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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