I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
