I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
