Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
MIDGETS
????
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize