I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
worst night to have a conscience
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
