can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Less talking, more tequila
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
